defining sex (somewhat).
I’ve had domination on the mind lately. It started when I thought through sleeping with men other than Gabriel, sex without strings. Since it could be a mindfuck for the average stranger, I thought it would be best to find someone who likes to be treated like a fucktoy, as a sexual preference. That way he gets his kink satisfied, I get off, and there’s no risk of drama or attachment. This got me thinking about sexual domination.
Which led me to read about the state of domination in New York. Since I’ve been preoccupied with escort news, I didn’t notice that the local dungeons have been heavily targeted this past year. Most recently, the upscale dungeon Rapture was shut down after a bust for prostitution. When I read this in a typically misleading NY Post article, I’d assumed the vagina had made an appearance. In reality, the domina was busted for offering a ‘prostate massage.’ In other words, she would have inserted a gloved finger into his ass. That, according to the law, was sex and therefore an offer of prostitution.
I’m sure I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again that the strongest piece of advice I received when I was starting out was from a client with a background in law, who said that if the cops want to bust you, they can. It was an Orwellian thought, and I responded with a lot of “what ifs” but each time he shook his head with, “Seriously, if they want to bust you, they can.”
Escorts post disclaimers on their websites, some even ask visitors to click an online agreement that they aren’t a cop, or that they understand that there’s no offer of sex for money. A well-known and now-fallen agency had their escorts bring small slips of paper to each encounter which stated that any act that took place would be a consensual decision between two adults and in no way related to the financial transaction, which the client would sign. Another agency made claims that it was a matchmaking service, and only charged for the arranged meetings between pretty girls and potential suitors. These were attempts to stay within the law, but as every single one of my attorney clients have said, they don’t hold up. They just impart a false sense of security.
So this is one of many reasons why I support the decriminalization of prostitution. The argument against it usually draws up peripherally related crimes like human trafficking, but that only calls attention to the importance of creating a separation between these acts and a more clearly defined articulation of the (perceived) crime. Prostitution, as it’s defined, is a deliberately vague crime that gives law enforcement the latitude to prosecute a dominatrix with an outstretched fingertip and a college girl using Craigslist for a fling to cover her bills, and it’s used to bring down politicians with adulterous pastimes, and it’s used to shut down apartments with more foot traffic than the average home. It reduces the protection of prostitutes by preventing them from reaching out to the police when a real crime happens, like theft, blackmail, stalking, and assault. Human trafficking is a very real crime that needs to be addressed separately, and resources should be applied accordingly, to protect the rights of human beings, not to prosecute the consensual behavior between two private citizens. Which is why I’m so easily irritated by pseudo-feminist claims that prostitution should be banned because prostitutes – like children – can’t offer consent, and need the big bad law to protect them from themselves. Which isn’t a very feminist thought at all.
On another subject within the subject, I’ve been defining sex within an open, open-ish relationship, sex that’s sex (beyond the finger-fuck of a prostate probe), but sex that’s sex without cheating, because cheating is less about sex than it is about the act of covering it up. I keep meaning to fuck someone else, but each time I get close, Gabriel drives me into the mattress, ankles overhead or locked within the metal bars of his headboard. Then, when we’re apart, he gets horny over the thought of me sucking someone off in his absence. We’ll make it happen. If we’re apart enough, we’ll make it happen.
The New Year’s off to a busy start.
And here’s something: Clayton Cubitt’s video, or maybe Katie’s video, or maybe Katie’s friend’s video:
On the subject of open relationships (because I’m still reeling from the story of the domina too much to craft a thoughtful response), I can understand your situation- though my partner and I are far enough away that the moment we declared the relationship open, I was on my hands and knees in a church parking lot getting rammed by someone I’d been meaning to fuck for awhile.
It can be daunting, almost- searching for a good partner who will accept your primary relationship at face value and not demand something similar. I didn’t intend to find any “repeat customers” for awhile, frequent fucks, but it just kind of happened that way. Those secondary relationships (for me) still have a hint of “I hope he doesn’t hear/read about this” excitement attached to them.
It would be a shame if he found out I enjoyed sex more with the other man lately.
Gee if only you knew of someone who wanted to be treated as a fucktoy.
Hmmm
I think this happened in NY many years ago, when I lived in the Bay Area and got into kink. Maybe you may know/remember it: A medical student into domination and bondage arranged over the Internet to meet with a woman for S&M. He tied her up, they had rough sex and other physical activities, and she later pressed charges against him for something amounting to kidnap, assault/torture and rape.
The details are vague now, but I think that was the gist of it. It scared me.
Your lawyer clients are not people who have tried prostitution cases. Your law enforcement client is right, cops arrest people all the time for crimes they do not commit.
They also testalie regularly. Only way to go at that type of police misconduct is to go to trial. In cases where the woman has taken precautions there is a good chance of winning. Sex is not the commodity of the escort relationship is, When a jury is given the opportunity to examine that, a woman who has taken the time to act according to law will win out if she has an attorney with the guts to try the case hard and to win it. Often when faced with actually having to go to court with such a case, the District attorney folds.
If a woman is arrested for prostitution and she has the time and money (it is not as expensive as it sounds but a trial will cost in the neighborhood of 5 figures) to find representation that will work hard for her, she can win.
Please do not perpetuate the myth that the almighty police will always win. They lose far more often at trial than people think because they often don’t do their job counting on the people they arrest to just throw in the towel.
TLD
I thought you’d like to know that Peet’s Coffee has blocked your Tumblr site from their wireless network. Reason? “Forbidden Category ‘Pornography’”. Ha!
“When a jury is given the opportunity to examine that, a woman who has taken the time to act according to law will win out if she has an attorney with the guts to try the case hard and to win it.”
This is a very misleading comment. In NYC if you are charged with prostitution you WILL NOT get a jury trial. You’ll have a judge trial, which will be difficult to win.
Be careful, ladies!
As an NYC dominatrix, the busts last year forced me to retire. @That Lawyer Dude – how many women do you think have 5 figures to defend themselves?? Plus, there is the risk of public exposure. If you have children, another job, whatever, you really can’t stand up in court and tell everyone what you do. Most people – some of my friends at first, even – still think a domme fucks her clients. It’s ridiculous & I’d love to educate people but not at the expense of my other careers.
@LittleBird – thank you for the info. Why is that?
I totally agree with Debauchette that prostitution should just be legalized. What is the big deal? So a guy wants to have sex with someone hopelessly out of his league. He has to make up for his shortcomings somehow. We don’t need the “big bad law” to protect us from transactions, we need it to protect us from rape. Which it doesn’t do very well. & as for BDSM, yes the activities are sexual in nature, but at least the way I’ve always done it, if I allow you to finish you take care of that. I have nothing to do with it. According to the vague NY laws & precedent, what goes on in the reputable dungeons at least should be totally legal – but the police seem to feel if they decide to investigate they’ve got to swoop in & arrest people.