advice for aspiring call girls.
So, I’ve been getting mail. Maybe you’ve been inspired by Belle de Jour/Secret Diary of a Call Girl, or maybe it’s the media surrounding the Ashley/Spitzer spectacle, or maybe it’s Radar’s recent “Secrets of a Hipster Hooker.” You want to be an upscale escort.
I’m not going to encourage it and I’m not going to discourage it, and I’m pretty sure it’s a crime if I tell you how to do it. But if you’re going to do it, here’s some advice:
1. Know what you’re getting into. There’s a good chance that it’s harder than you think, so it’s best to go in knowing as much as you can.
2. Don’t drink and don’t do drugs. You need to keep your senses sharp, so stay away from any sort of intoxicant during a gig, and don’t develop a habit on your own time.
3. Don’t allow payment to validate, or invalidate, your sense of self-worth. It’s just a transaction for your time. Your sense of self-worth needs to come from another area of your life.
4. Don’t feel competitive with other women. Clients are drawn to you because of qualities you possess, other clients are drawn to other women for their own qualities. See #3.
5. Be professional. Arrive on time. If a client tells you something in confidence, keep it to yourself.
6. Be compassionate. You think it’s about sex, and it is about sex, but it’s also about empathy and the ability to listen.
7. Don’t hesitate to walk out if a client treats you badly. Don’t assume that because he’s paying, you’re obliged to do something against your will. Always have a plan for a worst case scenario. Know your boundaries and protect the shit out of them.
8. Treat people well in all areas of your life. You may not believe in karma, but move through the world as though you do.
9. Be dignified.
10. Have a life that is your own – a career or an interest or a goal – and protect it. It will keep you sane.
11. Protect your body. Be healthy, exercise, get tested, and be sexually safe. Stretch your hamstrings.
12. Protect your emotional well-being. Clients are going to take a toll on you, so pay attention to the warning signs of burn-out, like exhaustion, depression, and numbness. When that happens, take time off. If you work for an agency, make sure they respect your need to take time off. If they don’t, get the fuck out of there.
13. Fight the impulse to be bitter, hateful, or regretful. Some clients will disturb or upset you – let it roll off and move on. And while we’re at it, don’t hold onto anger. All of this just hurts you in the end.
14. Protect your privacy. Use disposable mobile phones. Don’t let people know where you live. Be careful of what you tell clients. Be careful of what you tell the people in your life. If you feel like you’re being followed, hire a P.I. to find out if someone has you under surveillance, and then take steps toward securing your privacy.
15. Save your money. There’s a lot that goes into upkeep, but if there’s money left over (and there should be), don’t blow it. Save it and put it toward a goal.
16. Never allow yourself to become financially dependent on the clients. You absolutely, positively must be able to walk away at any time, for any reason. If you can’t walk away, your experience will be very, very different.
17. Pay your taxes. This is important. (Thanks Josephine).
And a few rules I’ve lived by personally: No frat boys. No ‘hobbyists’ (men who see prostitutes for sport). No reviews or review sites. No haggling. No drama. And, ideally, a few Democrats for every ten Republicans.
Filed under: personal notes | 38 Comments
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Actually, that’s pretty fabulous life advice.
Especially the bit about a few Democrats for every ten Republicans. ;o)
No frat boys?
I was never in a frat, but this sounds like a good setup to an entirely different post.
Damn.
Seraglioletters stole my comment.
*snaps fingers*
That is some seriously universally valuable advice. Great stuff.
I couldn’t agree more with all of the above. Especially (10) – having a life of one’s own in the form of a career or an interest or a goal. So many other items on the list naturally evolve from this.
I wish that the Postmodern Courtesan was still around…she had an entry I used to point hopeful hookers to, about imagining having sex with the most repulsive man possible, whilst feigning a reasonable approximation of mutual enjoyment. It was visceral and raw and real.
how do you avoid the hobbyists? and how do you avoid reviews? just wondering…i am involved in a business which success for providers relies primarily on those two things.
it’s funny how much of this advice applies perfectly to being a pilates instructor… which is such a small description of what i really do.
the one that really hits home is the financial independence! if i couldn’t fire clients sometimes i would hate my life… instead i totally love it.
This is not a topic that any man, at least not any man who has never been an escort, can presume to speak much about. But as Bree says, so much turns on point number 10. It is hard to avoid getting all caught up in what one escort friend calls “Hookerworld”, but the women who seem to enjoy it most –and thus are most successful– all have that in common. And I suspect that if a woman observes that rule, many of the others (3, 4, 8, 11, and 12) fall into place rather naturally.
Say, d. (or Bree), what would you think about doing a companion post for men–”Advice for Aspiring GREAT Clients”? I’m not thinking here about the very simple and obvious things that will just keep you from getting blacklisted or being the guy that all the women roll their eyes about and snicker over when they talk shop* . I’m rather thinking about how to be the guy that makes a woman smile and think to herself “Jesus, he’s such a sweetie”, whenever he calls. I think it must be something more than simply being (a) a non-douchebag, (b) physically kempt and tidy, and (c) open-handed. What’s the Philospher’s Stone of clientdom?
___________
* A lot of men, and some women, profess to be outraged that whores talk shop. This is preposterous. People in every single other profession do it. There’s also a real element of self-protection involved. At its best, it seems to function like a medieval craft guild.
Sure, Peccator. I can write up some advice for clients.
Ruby – If you rely on high volume and heavy client turnover, I think review sites and hobbyists are unavoidable. But if you rely on longterm relationships and a relatively small client base, it’s possible to avoid hobbyists and review sites.
The Radar Magazine article was depressing, actually— and had a poor climax. The author loses her nerve at the last moment and can’t go through with an assignment. That seems to invalidate the title of the article— if not the entire point of the article… I’ll also note that the article seems to have brought out a pack of complete douchetards to comment— all of whom mock and despise the author and the girls she writes about.
That said— the list here is actually (as everyone has noted) great life advice. I do look forward to your list with advice for clients.
I will ask— what defines a “hobbyist”? Just that he doesn’t settle on one or two girls? Is it that he keeps some sort of records/comparisons and compares girls with other clients?
And Nr. 8, 9, 10— everyone should take those to heart.
I wouldn’t call a guy who sees more than one woman a hobbyist, but rather someone who makes a sport out of it. A more objective definition would be someone who sees a lot of escorts, but to my mind, it’s more than that. It’s someone who aspires to see “all the high-end girls” and feels some sense of accomplishment in doing so. Or someone who likes to see as many women as possible to then brag about his encounters on review sites. To me, it’s just tacky behavior.
I’ve often wondered which part hobbyists enjoy more: the sex, or the virtual high-fives from their online “bros”.I strongly suspect it’s the latter. Isn’t it slightly homoerotic for men to compare graphic notes on sex with the same women?
Yeah, that article *is* depressing…because it’s that same ole’ put-em-on-a-pedestal-or-knock-em-off party line the media tows when it comes to prostitution. That’s what sells.
It just struck me reading Bree’s note that what seems off or tacky about the hobbyist thing is that, unlike standard male practice of showing off or bragging about sex with many different women, the stories amongst hobbyists all involve the same, fairly restricted number of women. There’s an air here of the people who have to play all of a mutual checklist of “best” golf courses…
Well composed list, and I, too, agree that # 10 is at the top of the list, followed closely by # 11 and # 14.
I’d also point out that # 6 is important for any girl thinking about going into this line of work who wants to do well at the high end (and, therefore, making better money). If you treat it as just sex and sex alone, you’ll keep making that $200 an hour. If you can be a companion, then you’ll likely be able to do well at the higher end of the spectrum, making several hundred dollars an hour.
Your forgot #17: PAY YOUR TAXES!! An important rule that a few sex workers don’t consider…
Good point, Josephine. I’ll add that. That one’s important.
#4 is good advice for every woman in a relationship, and a lot of these are good advice for life in general.
I never accomplished #3 and #10. I feel validated when a man pays money just to be with me for an hour, while other women have to work an entire week to earn the same amount. Also, I never found anything that interested me more than sex-work.
I admit I am a fuck-up. My sense of self-worth is seriously compromised and I am unhappy. So, all the rules make a lot of sense.
I wish I could be like the rest of you perfect people.
Can frat boys even afford high-priced call girls? But I guess there are always the ones who live off mommy and daddy’s wallets. Eww. Ewwww. Frat houses *always* smell like some mixture of beer, sweat and rotting food.
This may be something you’re not willing to discuss, but what about advice on how to find clients?
Agree with peccator – how to be the sort of client a girl *wants* to see, especially if you’re not handsome or good in bed?
And how do to you ask a girl if she’s willing to do something without sounding completely sleezy?
Sabina, I wish I could. There’s a part of me that wants to unload all the advice I’ve accrued over the years, but where I live there’s a crime called “advancing” or “promoting” prostitution that I’d be committing if I walked through the details of how to find clients. I can’t do anything that would directly “facilitate an act or enterprise of prostitution.” Which… is vague. But then, all the prostitution laws are vague.
And Eve – keep your chin up. It’s never too late to start building an identity outside of the sex work.
Great advice here. So much good stuff, but I see a lot of newer girls getting caught up in situations like #13, especially because of the review boards. They get a bad review and start crying about it and can’t let it go. It’s ridiculous. I’ve been criticized because i specifically stay away from the review boards, but when I started in this industry they didn’t exist. So I can live without them and the clientele they attract.
Please tell me, why a few Democrats for every 10 Republicans. I find that so funny. I am a Republican and I am with a Democrat and I would love to know what you mean by this. We like to argue about the “differences” as we see them. Thanks.
Oh, I could dedicate a whole post to the differences. But by that, I meant that since the overwhelming majority of my clients are Republicans, I go out of my way to hang on to the few Dems I find. They’re the spotted owls of the high-end whoring wilderness.
Excellent advice – especially the part about keeping a separate career or goal in order to remain sane.
Without that other focus, it’d be nearly impossible not to base self worth on your rates/popularity.
From this (client’s) perspective: it’s not (just) about sex, its about intimacy. Which has a lot of ramications.
- seek one (or a very few) providers to have ongoing association with, certainly distinguishes me from the “hobbyist” who is looking for something quite different;
- you either click or you don’t, just like any other relationship;
- but showing some sympathy, liking yourself and figuring out what you are willing to share about yourself are important;
- boundaries are a big issue because the relationship is founded on simultaneously recognizing and respecting them and pretending they are not there;
- an important function of the money is keeping the boundaries straight;
- epitomized by one provider’s mantra: “I’m not paid to be there, I’m paid to go away.”
Couldn’t agree more on avoiding the “hobbyist” set. A headache, those guys. But sometimes unavoidable if you do happen to be hard up. Anyway, I just posted some questions for other working girls at my blog. Come take a look and leave a comment: http://www.peridotash.com/?p=247
Thanks!
Ah, my man will love that bit of information. I took it the opposite way initially, that you may favor Republicans. Thanks for the response and if you’re ever inspired, I would be fasinated to read your thoughts on the differences between Democrats and Republicans, I have a feeling they would be unique and insightful.
Good advice, In light of Radars latest I’ve been getting emails from girls asking how to break into the business. I tend to give them a place to start their research then do whatever i can to discourage them. Every time one of these glorified glamour stories come out you have a rash of girls who think just because they own a vajayjay they could be a sex worker… its sex WORK.
One of the keys is to make the client feel as if he purveys pleasure like no one ever has before him, like he is the Zeus of the sexual universe -but, this does not mean feigning the moans and movement like a Californian porn actress.
In my experience, many clients are sensitive to this – they know you’ve had a bevy of experience before them and crave signs of organic pleasure (believe me, they can differentiate between this and the artifical displays characteristic of mass-commercial pornography).
Hobbyists are difficult to define unless you’ve experienced this lifestyle. There are those that have seen only a few at mainstream rates and those that have collected many escorts and payed thousands of dollars for several days to party with one or more at high end rates. They usually play girls against each other and are into head games and on some sort of power trip. Whichever way they are involved in hobbying, the one common thread is their need to control – emotionally or financially or both. Sometimes they are on a power trip only when they see a woman and sometimes they are bored and controlling when she’s “of the clock”, demanding she correspond or speak via telephone constantly between dates.
Oh, and, I’m all in for #10.
I feel like I’ve found the girl in my head after reading your blog. I’ve been told that this would be a great line of work for me and your rules sound like what i always tell my girlfriends. lol For fun ofcourse, but it’s good to see that you can actually make this lucrative.