sexual protégé.
How do you write about sex that’s neither flawed nor complicated?
Sex with Gabriel is perfect. I feel absolutely comfortable – he’s forever hard and I’m forever wet and there are no hang ups, no mood swings, no neuroses. It’s seamless, uncomplicated and nice. I don’t know how to write about that.
I’m working on it.
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Lately I’ve been flirting with girls. It started with a pang of lust for a girl in a summer dress, and then Gabriel and I started talking about arranging a threesome. I started paying attention to women again, and now there’s one woman in particular who’s caught my eye. Unfortunately, she’s young. Aggressive, pretty, vibrant, and young. I’ve been feeling her out slowly.
Today she said, “You’re everything I’m looking for. You’re older. You have more sexual experience.”
I do have more experience, more than she knows, but it made me pause when she said “older.” Older. I feel way too young to be the “older” one, but I’m older than Gabriel and I’m certainly older than this girl, so, of course, I am older. But older implies wiser, and I really don’t know if I’ve got anything useful to say.
In the previous post, monochromist posted a link to a Myers-Briggs test. I’m a solid INTP, the ’scholar’ or ‘architect’ type. I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs a few times, and I’ve tried to throw the outcome by shifting my responses to some of the questions, but it always comes back INTP, or introverted, intuitive, thinking, and perceiving. It characterizes me as quiet and analytical, introverted when it comes to ideas and extroverted when it comes to intuition, strong at grasping complex systems and terrible at expressing my emotions to people (in writing, less so). As an INTP, it also means that I tend to ignore hierarchies or distinctions in authority, and I prefer to relate to people as an equal. So I don’t generally acknowledge people who expect me to defer to them. And I don’t know what to do with people who defer to me.
(Well, sometimes I do.)
This girl, this pretty, bright thing in her early early twenties, says she wants to be my sexual protégé. She wants a primarily sexual relationship, but she wants me to guide her down some path of outrageous bisexual debauchery. Which I can certainly do. But while my gut response is to pull back and point her toward a different sort of woman, maybe someone who’s naturally dominant, not naturally coequal, I might try to override my habits just so I can explore this girl a bit.
On some level, I’m just curious. I’ve never had a sexual protégé before and something about that idea intrigues me.
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Perhaps you are thinking too hard. I say “go for it.” (I am biased toward you obtaining more fodder for your blog. The decision is, of course, best made by you.)
Gosh, I wish I had your problems
D, you can always change your mind later…
I always thought you had to be naturally dominant or submissive, but I could never figure out which one I am. So I really like your idea about being naturally coequal. And I don’t think that makes you any less suitable as a mentor. It doesn’t have to be a hierarchy–sure that could be fun to experiment with, but if however you are is what drew her to you in the first place, I’d say keep doing that!
Try finding one person who does not want to be your sexual protégé.
Just one rule to remember: The protege is the one that wears the butt plug.
Oh and just a thought. Perhaps you could start a union of some sort. A group of women like yourself who are looking for minds and bodies to corrupt. If you do, can I be the first applicant?
Of course, if it’s a 3some you’re after, you won’t be short of offers for mmf, but alas you seem hooked on ffm!
I’ve almost always been the Older Lover, and while I do very much encourage you to explore possibilities with this girl, the one downside that I’ve found in being the Wicked Older Lover is that you can so easily become merely a theme park thrill ride. The younger partner sees you as a rollercoaster at a theme park: a ride that’s exciting, maybe a bit scary, but ultimately safe and quickly over. I won’t give up the role of Older Lover, but there is always the worry that you will be treated as disposable.
Axe is right. I’d be your sexual protégé in a heartbeat.
How does one go about meeting girls to experiment with? They seem to be drawn to you like flies to light and I don’t even know where to start looking for one!
The Myers Briggs test is supposed to have a built in lie detector so it can, in a sense, tell when you are being dishonest by your mismatching answers.
Good luck with a younger girl. You know, many early civilizations had older female/younger female relationships – much like the Greeks with boys and men. Some have said it is the most powerful and sexually arousing type of relationship.
cant older mean more experienced? i look at myself now versus how i was a few years ago and there is a planet of difference between the two sexually. it took a while to get there and im still working on it and enjoying each new lesson.
A lot of girls who have never done that before seem to want to be led down the path instead of diving in head first. At least that’s what I’ve found.
I agree with what The Slutty Duckling says: where and how do you get these girls flocking to you so easily?? Maybe some homing signal or what? ‘Cause I’m lost on how to approach girls for purely sexually experimental relationships… I guess a lot of the difficulty does result from how much harder, I find, it is to figure out who’s bi/les/straight! Unless, that is, there are certain traits or dead give aways I’m supposed to be looking out for??
Ive been reading yr comments for a few months and i thought i’d like to address what u said about authority and how u prefer to relate to people as equal. I felt that also when I was younger and had a difficult time in the navy with authority. Im much older now and I have a different take on it… I think that respect is important as a social lubricant and it gets mixed up with deferring to someone who who might in actuality be a shithead- think George Bush- i respect the office, but what an asshole. Its hard to reconcile the two feelings and one gives respect to people who have earned it. Now matter how hard it is to defer to people you must admit that other people who do things well- an artist, a dancer, a philospher etc who can touch your inner core values are worthy of your respect and deferring to them is a way of acknowledging their expertise in their field. I am a 6th degree black belt and my feeling is that I respect other fighters who are of high rank because of the hard work they have gone through. I defer to higher ranks as a way of acknowledging their superiority. I could never fight my teacher, even if I could beat him. Respect stops me. I feel pleased to defer to higher ranks- there is no ego involved. It is simply the way it should be. I think ego and self concept prevent us from seeing clearly who we really are and who the other person really is. Im not at all sure that im being clear or even that I am correct. I do know that I feel pleased when I defer to a superior position held by someone who is worthy of respect. I share your thoughts about people who expect defferential treatment- its irritating. It should be given freely, not demanded. If a lower belt does not defer to my rank I end up feeling that I have not earned their respect and that they do not understand martial arts. I tend to go out of my way to kick their ass…to earn their respect. People who defer to you are simply expressing their respect for you. Accept it graciously and move on…perhaps you have earned it. As for the younger woman you talked about- I see things like this from a straight guys perspective… a dream come true. Whats really important I think is that you discuss the pitfalls and consequences of the concept before starting… what happens if love creeps in? Physical pleasure is one thing- love is another. And I think you are more curious than you admit to yourself. I say give in to your curiosity and be alert to love- then it gets complicated. Pickle
Well, D., I just popped in to say Hi from London, and now this.
I just spent an incredible 3 days with a new sexual protegee. It’s an arrangement I’m liking more and more these days. I love the mentoring aspect. I was able to arrange a private visit for us to a couture house that a friend runs, and got her some of those beautiful designer’s dress sketches as keepsakes. It’s an experience that I, by virtue of how I have lived my life (and yes, plenty of good fortune), could provide for her, to open her world and her mind. And that was after we fucked three times before we left the house for dinner on the afternoon she arrived.
So I’m with the “go for it” lobby.
I’ll also sign up for sexual protoge! (also, INTP as well, but nearly equal on the I/E part there). Have fun with that… I’ve been looking for another biwoman for fun at the moment myself.
“How do you write about sex that’s neither flawed nor complicated?”
i don’t know. in fact i take refuge in erotica because my sex life is non-fascinating to write about. it was nice, there were orgasms.
;>
Just finding you here, not over there. Missed your writing, glad you didn’t stop.
I hate to be a downer, but I do hope you disclose a bit more detail of exactly what you in particular mean by more experienced. Unless of course you think she’s hip to your sex work. I know, I know, some sex workers are safer then your average promiscuous bear. In that case, you can explain all that to her yourself (rather then to a stranger in the comments of your blog) and let her make an educated life decision. You don’t seem to hide things from your partners, but many with blogs do and it’s frustrating to read such contradictions.
“How do you write about sex that’s neither flawed nor complicated?”
Ha! I love this.
We’ve grown up with the narrative tradition of the obstacle or hurdle that has to be cleared! And it’s often what makes blogs so compelling.
I have been writing about uncomplicated, unflawed sex for nearly four years and it can be hard work. For the reader there’s little drama other than the drama of pure lust! But it doesn’t make for high contrast – I rarely air the dirty linen as such if things are less than rosy which isn’t often to be truthful. Writing about joyous, “perfect” sex is fun too, but it’s certainly an interesting question.
Nothing wrong with taking on the “teacher” role for a while. Teaching validates for yourself what you know. Teaching makes you learn (you never understand anything better than when you try to explain it to someone else). Plus, being around someone young tends to make you feel “smart” and “experienced,” rather than “older.” Go for it. (Which, now that I read on, I see you have. So, never mind me.)
whatever happened with this??
can you give us an update? did you take on the role of a sexual protégé or pass?