a client who won’t go away.
14Jun08
I have an aggressive former client who won’t let up. He called last night. He called the night before. He called the night before that. I open up my email account and there he is, subject line, “Where are you?” and “Call me” and “I’m in New York” and “Why won’t you return my calls?” This has been going on for months, even though we’ve only met twice. And the tone of his emails is becoming more hostile and aggressive.
Months.
When I took clients, there was always some hum of anxiety in my gut, a fear that one of these guys would do something destructive or controlling. That hum is starting to feel like an alarm.
That worries me about the online side of the trade: operating as usual is by word-of-mouth entirely, so I can judge based on the referrer. Online, anyone can contact you so no matter how well you screen you can never be certain of what you are getting into. Or so I worry.
Don’t overreact, and pray that you don’t cross paths in public.
Could I recommend changing your email and phone number (your retired for the moment anyway, right?) If that’s not an option, another tactic may be a terse email saying you’re no longer available and at this point you have more than enough evidence to have him prosecuted for stalking. You could also do a TRO, which would at least allow you to have him arrested if he were to show up.
I know there may be cops who may judge you for this situation (you could always just say he’s an ex-), but you definitely need to “overreact” when it comes to your safety….
Have you written him back and explained that you are no longer in that game and he should stop writing and calling?
Oh, I made it clear to him a long time ago.
I think all I can do is stay vigilant, and then act quickly and aggressively if he crosses a line.
I’ve had stalkers, as I’m sure you’ve had, and you know that the more you say “no” the more they’re turned on…
D,
Sorry to read this. Hope the situation resolves…
Maybe tell him you have a virulent communicable disease. That or that you’ve converted to Jehovah’s Witness and that you’d love to meet with him to tell him about “the Truth”. If you choose not to use those options then I think staying vigilant is a wise move, but make sure you have a quick and aggressive plan of action should something cross a line. What an asshole.
Men already have an overarching sense of sexual entitlement. Adding money into the equation only heightens that sense.
Are you more surprised that this guy is harassing you or that, to date, he’s the only one of your clients to display such possessive aggressiveness?
Be careful.
That guy sounds like a fruitcake. I’ve had guys who don’t get the hint before. If he’s escalating that’s not a good sign… it doesn’t mean necessarily that he’ll hurt you but that he may not go away on his own. My advice is to tell him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn’t stop you’ll call the police. If he calls again, then it’s police time.
It sounds like he is either (literally) delusional or completely inept and hopes that if he keeps doing this that you might give in.
I ditto Damion’s suggestion about the disease, although if he’s someone with a propensity for violence that may backfire. Pregnancy might also be a turnoff. I’d say if you are genuinely concerned, any of those things would be worth a try. Depending on how long you’ve known him and how well he knows you, you might be able to pull of the JW conversion, although for some reason I’m guessing it won’t be a deterrent. In fact, it might even be more of a turn on.
Unfortunately, that personality type will fixate on something, and the only solution is for them to have something new on which to fixate.