hello again.
I had to take a little time away to make sure I didn’t do or say or delete something I’d regret, and now that the traffic has come and gone, I feel a little more steady, if stunned.
It’s a strange thing watching your traffic spike like that. It feels ominous, if only because I’ve been treading what several friends have called a tight-wire of risk, and they’re right. You tread this line for a while and eventually you start to think you’re pretty good at this trick, and then your ankle twists and you trip. Another friend described this as a shell game, in that we’re out there in public with our blogs, we move around to keep a low profile, but there’s always that chance someone finds us and calls us out. And I got called out.
According to Fleshbot and YouPorn, this is a sex blog, and I think Fleshbot and YouPorn are right (sort of). But now that I’ve been discussed as a hooker (people LOVE the word ‘hooker’), I worry that this blog will be probed for some sort of revelatory glimpse into the life of a sex worker. If that’s the case, there won’t be much to see. Given the recent attention, I’ve had to cut all of my clients loose, for their sake more than my own. So for all intents and purposes, I’ve just gone from whore to slut, unless, of course, you’re someone who believes whoredom is one of those qualities that sticks to the soul, or unless you interpret the term as loosely as I do, or unless you’re hot for dirty talk, which you should be, or you should at least consider from time to time because dirty language can be sublime, or sick, depending on your preference. Point being, I’ve cut my clients loose but, hey, it’s all semantics anyway.
People keep saying the laws won’t change, but I think they will. I think we’re just lumbering behind the curve with all our puritanical baggage but eventually we’ll figure it out. In the meantime, Gabriel will have to endure the full force of my sexual frustration, and, so far, he’s been handling me like a pro (ha). A couple of years ago, I wrote that the men come and go (talking of fellatio), and I hope, sincerely, that Gabriel isn’t so transient. There’s something great there. I can’t describe it.
And for the sake of Fleshbot and YouPorn, I really should describe it. I should try very hard to describe it, one-handed, even if it means I’ll only graze the surface. This recent fuss has been one huge distraction from some very rich sex-blog territory, because nothing calms a stressed-out girl like an exuberant lay.
Filed under: personal notes | 50 Comments
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recent comments
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Glad to see you back. I’ve been reading for awhile, and… yea. Just glad you’re back and doing alright.
I stumbled onto your blog a while back and have been reading for the last couple of months, and I must say it is by far one of the most entertaining, insightful and satisfying experiences I’ve had on the internet in a long time. It’s not just what you write (which is very interesting in and of itself), but how you write it, the way you put everything across with such elegance and simplicity that I find so amazing. I’m really glad to hear you’re back, and that you’re doing okay.
Happy to see you back! And, for what it’s worth, you’ll always be a whore in my heart.
And I have to admit, I’m just a little jealous of Gabriel… If you ever feel the need to explore that whole Andrew Blake thing… just sayin’…
Ah, so glad you are back. I’m jealous that you thought of that riff on “Prufrock” and I didn’t. Why must some people be both clever AND beautiful? It’s daunting.
If you sense that Gabriel’s constitution is about to crack under the strain, remember that you have lots of concerned friends. We’re here to help.
I’m happy to see you’re back too! Its a shame that this whole buzz has forced you to overhaul your clients though. Stupid society I guess.
I’m very glad that you’re back. I hope that you’ll be able both to recover your clients and write here about exuberant sex… And I’m glad that you seem to be doing well.
I think you are right that the laws will change…but it will be a slow steady change …not as fast as the internet changes our lives. Society naturally moves towards the accommodation of reality. The reality that most marriages end up lopsided with one partner wanting more sex than the other is resulting in more demand for alternatives. Courtesans are a viable and I think necessary part of a healthy society. I know I have become a happier and more productive person since I started seeing my amazingly beautiful mistress…my wife is much happier too.
I found my wife and much later my mistress on the internet…such a powerful force of social change …come to think of it … my first wife essentially found her freedom there – as she explored her gay tendencies and eventually left to pursue them and is a much happier and fulfilled person now.
So my point, is that what your blog does is add a voice to the monsoon of change bring change to society…it won’t happen overnight but it will happen.
I hope you are well and am certain that Gabriel will be an “outstanding and firm” comfort to you while you recover from the hurricane of attention – which will eventually subside as other events dominate the public’s attention.
i was staring to worry about you. glad youre back. i cant wait to hear more about gabriel. i think after the few weeks you had, good sex is well deserved. lots of it. cant wait to hear about it!
D,
Welcome back and happy that you decided to write again.
How about the term “semi-sex blog”? I think that would be more fitting.
I like ’semi-sex blog’ much better, Disconnected. The whole ’sex blog’ category is pretty strained, and I’m not sure sex can ever be separated from the other areas of our life and experience.
Kimberlee, I’d love to take you up on that sometime….
And thank you, everyone, for the warmth. It really makes a difference.
I’m glad you’re back.
Cutting loose the clients was a decent, honorable thing. Shame you felt forced to do it, though.
As far as the name of the blog, forget labels. I just read it as the blog of a great writer in which it just so happens there’s frequently, eloquent posting about sex.
“I should try very hard to describe it, one-handed,…”
bad girl
You know where to find me….
I’m really happy that you’re back. I love your writing – and philosophically you’re right on the money. I was just wondering if everything’s that’s happened might just work out for the best ? There are always turns in life, and sometimes the unexpected works out very well. I’m not saying that sex work is wrong for you, I just think your relationship with Gabriel might be right for you. The way you write about him, makes me feel you might be in love…
So as an advocate for love, I’m just writing to say – if you want to, then continue the road that you’re on now.
Jude
Aiii! Welcome back!
yay she’s back!
perhaps adult blog?
that implies nothing but that you and your readers should be adults
although personally? if i had a teenager yours is one of the ’sex’ blogs that i would hoppe that they found… as is mine and figleaf and always aroused girl..
smart and together people being honest about sex, sort of the ideal for ’sex education’ innit?
@Jude Why wouldn’t she be able to love Gabriel and continue being a sex worker? Plenty of sex workers have healthy, loving personal relationships. Our partners often benefit from our ability to communicate about our interests, desires and boundaries as well as being receptive to the interests, desires and fantasies of our partners. I think women exiting because they want to is positive and healthy, being forced out of a profession that you are passionate about because of ignorance and harassment can leave one feeling wounded in more ways than one. Debauchette may also be focusing on the silver-lining of this situation and I don’t want to discount that. But it’s really not fair to assume that she couldn’t have a positive loving relationship had she remained in the business.
so glad you’re back, D.
sex blog doesn’t begin to cut it. you are the flourless chocolate cake of erotic sensual mind-fuckalicious exuberant cunt-centric living.
or sumpn.
welcome back. baci
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Good to see you back. I’m neither a fan nor do I pity you. I’m very proud of you. Thank you for your bravery and honesty. Though I don’t feel sorry for you, I am here for you no matter what and I do wish you the very best with the situation with your mom. Keep us updated on that if you feel willing. oxox
Re: Kimberleedine. Of course not, you’re absolutely right. Every individual is unique, and each should feel free to make the choices that are right for them sexually and ethically without feeling coerced or bullied into anything. That’s dreadful. My point was never an exclusive one. But the purest form of love tends to be – at least in my experience…
so glad you’re back… I found you a few weeks before all the drama and was really hoping this wasn’t the end for this blog – I wanted to read more of your wonderful and thought-provoking writing
Thanks for putting yourself out there 
Like Peccator, I’m kicking myself for not having thought of that Eliot reference myself.
Glad to see you back.
You’re one of the very best blog-writers I’ve read– it’s always better if you’re writing than not. Whatever changes you go through in your career and your life, if you *gasp* became monogamous or even if you didn’t want to write about sex at all anymore, I’d still read your shit. It’s about the writing– the subject material is sexy and adventurous and inspiring, but your sparkling voice and intelligence is what really brings me back.
Keep it up, wherever your road may lead you.
Glad you’re back.
People seem to use the term sex blog fairly loosely. Some say mine is a sex blog, but I consider it more of a “lack of kinky sex” blog.
The most important definitions are the ones you use to define yourself. Not what others use to define you.
What a pleasure to have you back. I look forward to seeing my inbox light up with your deliciously eloquent posts once more.
I couldn’t agree more with Grimnir. I’ve missed you and am so happy that you’re writing again. Your written word is melodic, smart and always interesting. Truthfully, I found your blog through a gossip site and was intrigued by the sensational story. As I began to read your entries, I was mesmerized by your talent and now, I’m officially addicted. My hope for the future is a paperback version that I can take in the tub with a glass of wine.
SO glad to see that you are back!!! I was missing your post…….you had me worried!
Very glad you are back. Sorry about the clients (but maybe sorry for them?).
Quit worrying about how Fleshbot or YouPorn (whatever they are) define your blog. Just be yourself, be free, and let us listen.
I’m new here, and a lot of us are, apparently. Don’t let us freak you out. We’re an audience, not stalkers.
Unfortunately most of the people in charge of this government are against anything that can be construed as a vice. It doesn’t matter if it is harmful or not, it is a matter of how the politicians perceive it in relation to their voting populace. For some reason the religious right is more vocal and therefor more listened to. Personally I don’t see why sex work is illegal. If run properly it can be safe and successful. There are many European countries that have legalized sex work with great success. It is much safer in these countries as the business is regulated properly. The same could be said for cannabis legalization, though that is a separate topic entirely. Anyway, I wish you luck in your endeavorers.
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now – good to see you back. It was, however, unfortunate that things turned out the way they did.
Gabriel sounds like a very strong personality – I don’t believe you should have any worries. If you ever are considering a career change, though, I think you should consider writing a book. You have an amazing talent.
Welcome back, you’ve been missed.
I’m so sorry you’ve been forced into retirement, and I’m so happy to be reading your words again.
Good luck on this new path, I can’t wait to heat about your new exploits.
Write about anything — sex, dogs, the weather, the colors blue and yellow.
If it interests you enough to write about, my bet is it will be interesting to read. I come here for the writing and the thoughts. The sexy bits are like dessert.
You wrote: “You tread this line for a while and eventually you start to think you’re pretty good at this trick, and then your ankle twists and you trip. Another friend described this as a shell game, in that we’re out there in public with our blogs, we move around to keep a low profile, but there’s always that chance someone finds us and calls us out. And I got called out.”
This, as you know, is a recurring theme on my blogs. I remember your former blog and how you had to shut that down. I enjoy yours and many other sex worker blogs, but it’s hard to keep them going in such an unfriendly climate. It’s especially tough when you lose business! I hope everything will work out okay for you, am keeping you in my thoughts.
Being a ho ain’t easy. I’m in the same boat as you…
Glad to have you back – I was beginning to think you were M.I.A. like college callgirl. Hope she is okay too.
I’ll pile on with others to say your writing is amazing (content and delivery,) I’m jealous of Gabriel (but I can dream!) and I don’t care what category your blog is in, as long as you can keep doing it. Please….
Hi there,
It’s been a long while since I’ve dropped by. I’m glad you’re okay in spite of everything that’s happened recently.
Take care.
tsb
Hey there,
Been reading your blog for the past couple of months. Very glad to have you back. Your the best distraction for my 9-5 office job.
Write away, so I can keep escaping away.
Welcome back. I was beginning to wonder what had happened to you.
It’s nice to see you’re back; I’ve been checking in every few days or so and hoping things were okay with you. Although I’m sorry you’ve had to cut ties with your clients, I think it was probably a wise decision given recent events. Sucks that you had to do it in the first place.
For what it’s worth, I think ^Darlene^ is on to something. I really can see you being a successful (semi-sex) writer. Given the number of people who read and enjoy and comment on your blog, you already are.
Glad to hear the torrent of interest in sex workers didn’t scuttle them back to the darkness for too long. I assumed that given time the urge to return would pull strong, but I did wonder how long it would be before I could sit partially and sometimes fully hard reading of your exuberant alternative life. Live the way you want to, screw the haters.
I hope the other girls return as well.
Liking sex is not vile, and enjoying sex is not a crime. It is a breath of fresh air in a very stogy conversation to hear of someone that isn’t afraid of their self. My wife ordered the Big Book of Breasts for me as a Christmas present, and you would be amazed at how many other young friends were shocked by us having it much less not being embarrassed that others knew we had read it together. We are both under the age of 30 and all of our friends are too, but they act like marriage means even mundane nudity less than one might find in a playboy is offensive.
I’m still wowed by just how public your media encounter was/is and can certainly see why you’d want to go low profile for awhile. Of course, I’m glad to see you’re posting, again.
I’m very happy you’re back to writing, and it wouldn’t matter what you write about…as long as you’re passionate about it, as long as you’re find release in it.
*As long as you find release* Oops…typo.
I like your writing and I’m glad you’re back. Sorry about the outing. Shit happens though.
I kind of know what having a secret life is like. I’m an atheist working for a fairly conservative religious denomination. I’m pretty sure I’d get canned if they ever found out even though I’m not in a position where religion matters at all.
Sometimes I’m not sure who is looked down on more in this country, atheists or sex workers. But then I remember that there are laws against discrimination on religious preference so it’s almost certainly sex workers.
I’ll consider myself a remnant of the traffic spike from last month… I hope you don’t mind if I stay. Your writing is eloquent in a way that fascinates. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well again. Keep safe!
Welcome back! Thanks for returning…
Weird. I have you on my reader and it said you posted a blog about the new WordPress admin bar. So weird.
Once again glad you’re back.
I wouldn’t call your blog a sex blog by the way.
I’d call it a REAL blog or a RAW blog. We all read because I think we each see something in you that we see in ourselves, and some of this may be able to admit that and some of us may not.
Like the above commenter, I read your blog via RSS, and am seeing posts from the WordPress Newsfeed show up as well (like this one: http://en.blog.wordpress.com/2008/02/08/summarize-more/). VERY strange.