In many ways, my life has restarted. I was in limbo for so long and I dealt with so much drama that I’ve decided to be less tolerant, less patient, and more demanding. I put up with as much as I did because my general inclination is to be easy-going, even when my instincts tell me that something’s wrong.

I called the engagement off and went into a bit of radio silence, from this and from most everything else. But I’m back. And I feel restless enough to promise that I’ll be writing more often. I’ll also unlock some of my previously hidden posts.

*

I’m seeing someone. We met and by the end of the date, we were fucking. It was one of those all-night fucks, where I’d drift into sleep and wake to the pressure of his erection against my hip, and I’d want it again. I’d spread my legs and draw him inside me. Sometimes, still half asleep, I’d be flattened under his weight or tossed around the bed like a doll, and sometimes he’d wrap his long-limbed frame around me and enclose my body in a sweet, affectionate hold. We drifted in and out of sleep and sex through the morning and early afternoon until the sheer necessity of food and water forced us to shower and face the West Village in search of nourishment. I can’t remember the last time I did that.

I like him. Very much.

And he fucks hard.

And he turns me on.

And I want to keep him.

*

I’ve been in limbo, wondering whether to return to my lucrative-if-illicit life. I don’t know. My feeling, now, is that I need some normalcy again. Perhaps indefinitely.